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January 2008 Entries
January 30th
Last Day of the Month, so here are a bunch of really dirty jokes. Mom, Stop Reading Here!
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I saw a billboard that read: "Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-555-3787" So out of curiosity I did. Twenty minutes later a Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
So this guy goes into a whorehouse. Once in the room with the prostitute, he puts $50 on the table and drops his pants. The hooker almost faints, the guy has a 18 inch cock. She says," Hold on pal, I'll lick it, I'll suck it, but you're not sticking that in me." The man pulls up his pants and picks up his $50 and says, " Screw that, I can do that myself !"
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
Vinnie and Hank are drinking, when Vinnie leans over and starts stroking Hank's beard. Vinnie says, "Your face feels just like my wife's pussy." Hank strokes it himself and says, "You're right."
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic cop shouted to me, "Oi whats your disability?" I said "Tourettes, you fucking cunt!"
I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday, he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the ass cause it 'hurts'.
"Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir," urged the street vendor. "I haven't got a wife," replied the young man. "Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart." "I don't have a sweetheart, either." "Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck."
What's the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes? Heath Ledger jokes will get old.
Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Please give just a small donation and we will send you the video it's fucking hilarious!
I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks, "Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?" "Yes" replies the cop. He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?" "No" replies the cop. "Well then," says the man, "I think you're an asshole!"
I bumped into my ex-girlfriend in a bar. "I had sex with another woman last night," I told her. "But I was thinking of you the whole time." "You miss me that much?" she asked. "No," I said. "But it kept me from coming too fast."
AB
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January 27th
Sitting in the office working on a Sunday. I haven't had a day off since I've moved up here. We're trying to launch the new website tomorrow for Great Atlantic Travel and I've been writing webpages all week. I've got about 250 pages built so far, and another 25 or so to go before
we're ready to go live. After the push to Live tomorrow, I have another 300 or so pages to build over the next month.
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This new website will be highlighting what I'm going to focus on over the next year...Euro 2008 in Switzerland and Austria, Summer Olympics in Beijing, Kentucky Derby and Masters.
As soon as I get this pushed live, I'm gonna take a day or two off to relax a bit. Joanie has been taking the dogs to the beach, so I think I'll take an afternoon off to join her...Luka loves the water. When she went out on the boat in Austin, she would drink about 2 gallons of water, and then piss every 15 minutes for a day or so.
When she went to the Ocean the other day, she threw up a few times due to the salt water...we're gonna have to break her of that.
Also, if anyone is in the market for a very clean and reliable ski boat, my Tige is up at the Ski Dock listed for sale. Asking $36K.
AB
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January 22nd
Joanie and I just got back from Louisville, KY this weekend...we were there for 4 days while I did some research for the Derby and made some investments on behalf of the company.
The temperature never topped 25 degrees
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while we were there...on Saturday and Sunday, it was in the single digits most of the day. At least it wasn't snowing I guess.
So, Joanie is busy putting our house in order while I'm working all day...first into the office, and last to leave all week.
The picture above is of some clocks that she put up in the kitchen...3 clocks, one has the Texas time, one has "Aaron's Time", and one says "Virginia Beach". She's preparing for me to be gone quite a bit this year...but hey,
you gotta make money while the time is here.
We got our dogs back yesterday from the Kennel where we boarded them this past weekend...we couldn't tell if they mistreated them, or if they were just dead tired, but they didn't really move around alot yesterday or last night...Luka
just laid in our dog bed and was oblivious to the world, banging pots and pans, doors opening, etc. Regardless, I think that we're gonna find a new kennel for when we travel.
For work, I'm concentrating on our new website all week...I'm aiming to get it up and live sometime early next week...keeping my fingers crossed, and then I will post the new site for all to view and rejoice.
AB
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January 15th
Back from Europe...sitting in the office trying to catch up today. Europe was a long, cold, and exhausting trip, yet very successful. Christophe came to see me in Zurich the last night,
and we watched the Cowboys (they were winning when we left at halftime) choke again from an Irish Pub in Zurich.
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The movers finally arrived on Sunday at 6:45am. Joanie, her friend Sarah, and John Martin were at the house. They scratched up a bunch of crap and broke our bed, futon, and probably a bunch of other crap
that we haven't noticed yet. I've realized that this must be the biggest CON business in the US today. These people, all major assholes from Israel, Russia, Central America, should all have their green cards checked and then shipped back to where they came from...they tell
you one thing, and then the opposite happens; they will not call you back...low ball their offers to get your business, your furniture, then jack up the rates once they get your stuff loaded up into the truck.
But, don't get me started...I'm in a good mood today.
So, I'm headed to Louisville on Thursday for some meetings...Joanie is going with me and we'll be hitting up Churchill Downs on Friday, and Caesar's Casino on Saturday, so it should be a good time.
AB
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January 9th
Happy New Year!
Sitting at the Norfolk Airport waiting on a flight to Zurich, Switzerland via Newark. It's been a long and exhauting couple of weeks for me, thus the absence from the blog.
Joanie and I finally made it to Virginia Beach on Monday, and have started to get settled in as much as we can.
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The movers were a day late picking up in Austin...so, they picked up my stuff on Thursday, loaded up the truck, then stuck me with a bill $2000 over what was quoted.
Then, they promised a 4-7 delivery, and since Thursday, I have yet to get a phone call returned from them. Never, Never, use Trans United Movers out of California...what a shitty company. They have told me every day this week, that someone will call me with an ETA
on my furniture delivery, but to date, no one has called. If I wasn't so busy traveling and working, I would be causing some serious havac with these fools.
So, Joanie's friend, Sarah, from Dallas, is heading to Va Beach this weekend while I'm gone. I'll be in Europe (Switzerland and Portugal) until Monday for work. Then, on Thursday, we're all heading to Louisville for a research trip on the Derby. After that, we'll all get some rest I hope.
So, I had a big Birthday and going away party last week in Austin...downtown for the Birthday night out, and then the Crowne Plaza for New Years with JZ and Jenn, Jason and Sarah, Gary and his date, Ronny and Vicki, and more...I'm seriously contemplating a month long detox at this point. I've got a bad cold right now, so this might not be such a bad time.
Anyways, out for now...will write more from Europe this weekend.
AB
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